An Elusive Daydreamer

My mind yearns for a life I currently don't have, day dreaming every chance it gets. Creating exchanges, interactions and dialogs my soul longs for. Provoking this deep desire to feel and experience life in a way I haven't been able too, only to have reality crudely and violently remind me how mundane, empty and blend my existence really was. My mind longs for this instances of joy, to the point it feels like a luxury. To the poor any time spend not working for someone else's dreams a waste of time and even looked down and frowned upon. So yes taking time for you is a luxury indeed, spending any few minutes of freedom to construct a life more fitting to my desires has become all I truly live for. Now there's something you need to understand, my mind doesn't just goes to the trouble of constructing a life ( as I do have many) but also struggles to understand why are they just the illusions of a daydreamer. Why aren't this moments lived- it constantly asks itself. Why if I can vividly imagine it doesn't translate to real life. My mind lives in this eternal contradiction, on one hand imagines what it can become while on the other settles with what it gets. My dreams and my life were at a constant cross roads and my mind stands in the middle afraid to choose a path. Fear now has her still feeling as if choosing is to lose one or the other. Not making a choice might be the best choice she can make, evading this allows her to continue both paths as if they were one. The fool doesn't see that doing half of something is what's preventing it from fully accomplishing it's desire.